better communication

One way to elevate your vibration is to obtain better results with your communication. Over the years I have learned a few techniques to achieve this. Whether it be with family, friends, strangers, or at work, being successful with your communications will elevate your vibration.

We communicate through language and words. We use language to map out what we think and observe about the world around us, to understand what is going on, and to build and maintain relationships. So we paint a picture in words of what we believe our environment is like and we use language to paint a picture of the world around us. But the map we create with words and language is not an exact replica of the environment, the territory. It is really only an abstract representation of reality; so the map is really not the territory. As a result we are continually falling short in our description of what we call reality.

Secondly: Meanings for the words are in individuals, they reside in each of us, and there can be different and sometimes subtle nuances in the meaning of the words, and how we use them to describe people, things, events, etc.  Also people can have very different meanings for the same word, and the words can have different meanings in different contexts. These differences frequently lead to misunderstandings between people, and can be the cause of many disagreements and arguments. As a result, we frequently talk past each other, or base discussions and arguments on faulty interpretations of what we think has been said.

Third: The world around us, and the people we know and interact with are dynamic and are continuously changing, whereas language once used, is a static record of this continuously changing reality. This can be and is a problem because the language does not reflect the change. For instance, an individual on day one is not entirely the same person on day two or three or two weeks later. People are continually learning and changing, but how we perceive them may not reflect this.

Fourth: In addition to this, labels like people’s names or words like chair, table, or office are static. In what they describe, they also leave out more than they include. The chair has color, texture, age, is solid, is rickety, is a desk chair, is an armchair but the word chair does not include any of this. Be aware that a label excludes more than it includes.

Fifth: In combination with, say, peoples’ names, labeling can be a problem. So saying “Johnny is nice”, excludes those times that he is not, or is argumentative, is forgetful, or is (whatever). This calls into focus the use of the verb “to be” which in the above sentence equates something with something else. Basically saying something “is” something else, the way English is constructed, can be a problem. The bowl is red. Well sure, but it is also plastic, is large, is tippy, and has a stain. So the bowl may be red, but it is also a lot of other things. In the English language, use of the word "is" to link subject and object often results in problems when we are trying to communicate.

Sixth: All this is to say pick your words carefully, try to be as specific as you can, and be aware that you need to carefully monitor your interpretations of what someone else says to you.

Seventh: Delaying your reactions to what someone says to you gives you time to consider alternative interpretations or re-evaluate your initial reactions. It gives you time to reconsider what you say. It also gives the other person time to finish the thought they are expressing to you.

Eighth: Using phrases like “It seems to me that” softens a judgement or statement you may make. Learn to use phrases like this in your communication.

Ninth: Being what is called "receiver oriented" in how you say things can contribute to more precise communication, while helping you to obtain better results. Being receiver oriented means you are thinking about who you are communicating with, and how you might tune the communication for them to better understand what it is you mean.

Tenth: Be aware that by using language, you are just painting a picture of reality, and that the words are not the reality itself. This will encourage you to try to be more precise in the language you use, and it will help you to realize that the statements other people make may not be exactly what they mean, or what they mean to you. This will encourage you to ask "What do you mean by that?" and other questions. It will allow you to dig under the surface of the communications, to not stay at the top level where misunderstandings can occur,  and it will result in you obtaining a better result with your communications. The result for you will be an elevated vibration, and more successful communications.

For more on this, for help interpreting specific situations, and for suggested courses of action, please book a session with Fred.